Not fit for human consumption. That's my mood today. I like people, I really do. I like to hear their stories and make them laugh; I like to tousle their hair and rub their backs and do nice things for them. I like people. But maybe that's the very reason I sometimes find them difficult to be around.
Because when you really, genuinely like people, they can disappoint you. They can hurt you, they can break your heart. I refuse to become cynical to protect myself against those possibilities, but continuing to trust in the basic goodness of people does involve risk - a leap of faith. I am grateful and lucky to have enough living proof surrounding me to know my faith is well-placed; I am grateful and lucky to have held two babies this weekend; I am grateful and lucky to share a home with young boys who make me laugh out loud, and to count my guy and my Grammy and my brother as my best friends. I know I am luckier than most - and it makes me hold my breath sometimes.
And so, today I want to lay in a dark room with my dogs and 16 hours of Will & Grace on DVD. Or a stack of books. I don't want to cash in my faith-in-the-human-race chips, I just want to recharge my battery.
Friday, 24 April 2015
my chance to have children, my self-esteem, my belief and trust in the basic goodness of other people.
They say to live a good life is the ultimate revenge. They say that one day, if you're truly happy, you can let all past hurts and injustices go. I can't say I believe it. But I'll keep trying.